Tanjun Ryu

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Words of Praise and Worship. Or Not.
Emails are arranged on this page with the most recent ones first. To view the unfolding story of our strange email correspondence, scroll all the way to the bottom and start there.

From: Derry Ayer
Tuesday, January 31, 2006 4:03 PM
Subject: U rule, they drool

Great and Powerful Master NinBob,

I wanted to let you know what a lifesaver your organization has been for me. I had long ago given up on finding a worthy ninja site until a friend sent me a link to the Tanjun Ryu. I ordered the membership kit and so now I'm a real Tanjun Ryu ninja. My dream has come true and my friends are so jealous! Tanjun guys... I... I love you, man!


You're not getting our Bud Light, Derry. 


From: Dr. Love
Thursday, February 2, 2006 12:03 AM
Subject: People R Stoopid

What is it about you guys that brings out the dumbest humans on the internet? That Kram Krumb guy was real entertaining! My friends and I laughed at your reply to him all day. Are you making these emails up?


Doc, there is no way we could make up these insane emails. These are actual live humans in your neighborhood, often with jobs which effect your safety and well being. Yea. I recommend you all seclude yourselves in remote mountains or barracade yourselves in underground bunkers. It's getting pretty scary out there. But hey, at least it looks like Adam Syarto is off the streets.  


From: Khan Krum

Thursday, December 29, 2005 3:03 PM
Subject: new message to the GRANT NINJA SUPER MASTER


Hello mr.grand super ninja master,
of the most super secret ninja clan in the world called: Tanjun ryuand the greatest master of super ninja high kicks of the world...

And greetings to you, Mr. Krum, exalted master of strange broken english  sentence structure and bizarre punctuation. And what is a "GRANT NINJA SUPER MASTER?"

Im sure that all this is a big joke...
I just saw the section of "ninja skills",
Isnt the "Invisibility" section a big joke or just a small one ???
Well for me thats the section,
I most laughed both with my kick boxing master,
I doubt that to be a real and serios really...

Ummmm.... Why is it that those who are the most sure that it's all a "joke" are the ones who take it the most seriously? There are too many insane people with internet access, I tell ya! 

My kick boxing master have a message for you:

"I can handle all these ninjas alone in a fight
and break their bones in a matter of seconds"...

Ok, Mr Krum, please sit down because I'm going to tell you something that may upset you. Mr. Krum, your "kick boxing master" is a fake. Yes, this thief is cheating you out of your money. I know this because a "master" would not make such a claim about someone he does not know or has never met or seen in person. I think it is Sun Tzu who said "Warrior who claims he can beat another warrior who he has never met is a total dillhole." We here at the Tanjun Ryu deplore fake martial arts instructors and urge you to seek training elsewhere. Besides too, REAL masters know that only a ninja can beat a ninja. His claim to be able to beat several ninjas just shows how little he knows. 


(Q) Guys, how the **** much you are training per day ??
(Q) Any words for that section ??

(A) We train 24 hours a day. There is no action that we take that is not a learning experience and even while we sleep we are dreaming of ninja-kicking fake kickboxing masters and their silly students and afterwards partying with hot chicks. That is why we flippin' RULE.

(A) What???? 

(Q) Want me to return him a message?
(Q) what you can tell me about all that, any comments? 

Mr.Khan Krum

(A) Yes, return him this. Tell him he should be ashamed of himself for posing as a real kickboxing master and taking advantage of a poor gullible child like you.

Mr. Robert "NinBob" Roberts 


From : Gary - ********@wisemonkeydojo.co.uk

Sent : Tuesday, November 29, 2005 11:40 PM

Subject : ninja


please note that Ninja is plural as well as singular. ie like sheep rather than sheeps

so whether you are referring to one ninja or 20 ninja its still one word Ninja.



Dear Gary,

We really appreciate the tip but I really don't know how accurate it is since, as I see by your email address, you are in England. Lucky for you, I am bilingual so I can answer your email with no trouble.

As everyone knows, you guys talk English real funny over there. I mean, you call soccer football (even though it's played with a soccer ball instead of a football), you call elevators "lifts" (even though it takes you down as well as up) and you call pencil erasers "rubbers" even though... oh nevermind. Anyways, how do we know you're not just pulling our ploggers? Besides, it's obvious you're supposed stick an "s" on the plural for ninja cuz that would be dangerously confusing. Let's say you were pratting about town and someone were to shout "lookout for the ninja!" Well you wouldn't know if you were being attacked by "one ninja or 20 ninja" as you put it. There you'd be preparing to face one and "BANGO!", 20 stealthy ninjas are throwing some chop-sockey mayhem about your Uncle Ned. Well you'd be a right scundered daftie wouldn't you? So you see, our friend the letter "s" is an important part of English. I hope this helps you guys over there talk good English in the future. Thanks!




From: Kelly Ann Sweet (********@yahoo.com)

Sent: Sunday, November 20, 2005 4:30 AM

Subject: Fan 4 Life!

Dear Ninjas,

A friend sent me the link to your site a week ago and I have had the best time looking at it every day. My favorite part by far is the fan mail. Watching you OWN the haters is the funniest part. Where do all these strange, sad people come from? I am a fan for life. My membership order is on the way. I can't wait to be a Tanjin Ryu Ninja myself!


Dear Miss Sweet,

Thanks for the unadulterated praise. The fan mail is a big part of our day here too. I have no idea where these people come from (probably from parents who are brother and sister) but you haven't seen anything yet. Check out the divine Mr. Phoon....



November isn't quite over yet but we're going to declare this next email our "Letter of the Month". It's a long, rambling gem from an underaged porn addict who calls himself Yung Phoon (we don't make these names up, folks. this is just the kind of crazies we attract). We can't print all of it due to the profanity and nonsensical jibberish but we'll respond to his funny questions and comments one at a time.


 Dear Mr. Phoon,

We are so glad you wrote. One of our goals here is to dispel the choking cloud of ignorance most people have regarding ninjas. One of the best cures for ignorance is questions and boy did you ask a lot of them in your email. We’ll do our best to answer most of them and we’ll also address your insightful comments. Let’s get right to it.

Phoon: "I don’t know what you silly kids are doing".

It’s called ninjitsu. It’s an ancient, secret art of stealth and combat. Practicioners of this art are called ninjas.

Phoon: "Are you trying to do high kicks?"

They’re called ninja kicks and they are the most devastating kicks in the martial arts. Better hope you never find yourself on the business end of one because people who get kicked by a ninja STAY KICKED.

Phoon: "You know kid, you remind me of Napoleon Dynamite."

DANG! That’s like, the second time this week we’ve been compared to him. Someone on fightingarts.com said we were "the Napoleon Dynamite of the martial arts world". As you requested, we watched this amusing film to "see why". Here is what we learned:

Napoleon Dynamite vs. Tanjun Ryu Ninjas

Napoleon: Has awesome hair

Tanjun Ninjas : Has awesome hair but covered by ninja hoods so you can’t see it. But believe you me, it’s awesome.

Napoleon: Practices dance moves

Tanjun Ninjas: Practices ninjitsu moves

Napoleon: Pretty good with a bo staff

Tanjun Ninjas: Expert with a bo staff as well as all other traditional ninja weapons like the nunchaku and 3-section staff.

Napoleon: Best friend offers protection

Tanjun Ninja: Personally offers protection as well as assassination, spying, espionage and other ninja services.

Napoleon: Favorite animal is the liger

Tanjun Ninjas: Favorite animal is the cat, a cuter distant cousin of the liger.

Napoleon: Took one introductory Rex Kwon Do class

Tanjun Ninja: Takes DOZENS of ninjitsu classes

Napoleon: A fictional character in a movie

Tanjun Ninja: Real

It’s pretty clear that similarities are few and minor so I don’t know where the comparison comes from. We liked the movie very much so it’s a great compliment. I guess your comparison of us with "Beverly Hills Ninja" is more apt because it’s the story of an heroic young ninja who goes on a great quest to combat evil and fully realize his great ninja powers. We do that all the time here.

Phoon: Your webpage is obviously a big joke.."

OBVIOUSLY??? Then why are you taking it so seriously? Are you insane?

Phoon: "What’s with the symbol saying "SUPER SECRET NINJAS"?? You’re obviously not secret what so ever if a poor porn seeking 13 year old boy like me found you guys."

OK, this was the most puzzling and disturbing part of your increasingly rambling email. You mean to tell us that you were surfung for PORN and, as you put it in the opening of your email, "came across" our web page? Well, we did some checking and it appears that some joker here accessed our domain management page and entered search keywords to include "gay watersports and dog roleplaying" so that explains how you so easily found us. We’ve remedied the problem and you should now be able to search for sites of your "lifestyle" without our site popping up. By the way, what is your alias amongst your "special online partners"? Old Yeller?

Phoon: "Where did you guys find your Ninja outfits and Tobi shoes? eBay had a sale?? Or maybe Karate Outworld Mart?"

Uhhh... what the hell are "Tobi shoes"?? Are you referring to Tobi Keith the country singer? He wears pointy-toed cowboy boots like your mom. We wear the traditional tabi boots and they and our uniforms are crafted as ancient tradition dictates by hot Asian chicks here at our secret training facility. By the way, eBay is an online auction. They don’t have "sales".

Phoon: I am thinking of making a webpage about real life ninja turtles, i hope you guys don’t mind helping me out!"

Well that is a much more admirable pastime than trolling for gay sugar-daddies who’ll feed you snausages make you play fetch. I am, however, sorry to say that we can't be of assistance as we have our hands full already selling vast amounts of our merchandise, partying with hot babes and answering emails from insane, perverted teenagers who wear dog collars and smell of urine. Good luck with your ninja turtles site. Now sit. Stay! Good boy! 

From: Sun Tzu <mu_bushido@yahoo.es>
To: tanjunryu@hotmail.com
Subject: ninja ??.. nahhh....
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2005 13:06:15 +0100 (CET)
hahahahaahahha dude what a game you are.. ??
do you really thing that you are SECRET ninja... ??
you are not even a simply ninja nor super secret one...
If you were real secret ninja you will never make a propaganda in internet..
neither a website... i made a lot of fun with that.. and i still...
you really looks like clowns dressed in black clothes...
you arent ninja... what you are is just foolish ideas and deserving to be a ninja but you can not,and you will never be a real ninja...
real ninjas dont have website...remember that... they are unique and really secret who never knows about them...
so cut the crap and stop fooling the people....
and learn some basics how to create a decent website...
Dear Whoever-You-Are,
We're glad you took time away from learning English with a Speak & Spell to write us your very thoughtful letter. Before you start chastising others for "fooling" people, you shouldn't claim to be an old Chinese philosophiser who has been dead for a hundred years or something. I mean, if you're going to impersonate someone, make it someone who is at least alive, like Michael Jackson or Richard Dreyfus. But I will address  your nonsensical letter anyway. First off, we ARE secret. I mean, do YOU know who we are or where we are? No? Sounds pretty secret to me. Besides, deception and trickery are the ninja's finest weapons and you have been OWNED. Secondly, ninjas DO have web sites. We're ninjas and we have one so that alone proves you wrong. Now, we don't mind criticism at all. Say what you want about ninjas and our web site, but I have to say your insults toward clowns who wear black is offensive and small-minded. To reply to your ignorance, we have brought in our good friend Snarky The Clown. 


Mr Tzu. I'm a clown and I wear black so I take offense that you are using who I am and what I wear to insult my ninja friends and therefore insult me. NinBob was real nice in his reply but I'm not so polite. I'm going to tell it straight. You are a wiener. A fat, curved wiener oozing grease. If you are such an expert on ninjas and web site basics, why don't you make your own. You can call it "Fat Curved Grease-Dripping Wiener's Guide to Ninjas and Web Site Design". I'm sure it will be a big hit and will keep you busy so that you won't feel compelled to insult clowns and write dumb emails to internet ninjas. I mean, what kind of loser spends his time doing THAT? How would you like it if I made fun of you for being gay and wearing ballerina outfits? See? It's not so funny now is it? Now get back to your Speak & Spell and grow up. And clean that grease off of your keyboard before you ruin it. Now if there is any of this you don't understand, please get an english-speaking friend to explain it. That is, if you have any that's not dumb as a rock like you.

From :  Medusa Sith <***********>@hotmail.com>
Sent :  Friday, September 30, 2005 4:27 AM
To : 
Subject : 

Hi Sexy Ninja Guys

| | |

Hi, I love guys who are ninjas. They are so sexy and mysterious.



Say what you will about how fickle and unpredictible chicks are, but there's ONE constant, never-changing fact. THEY ALL DIG NINJAS. Thanks Medusa-  you really hit the nail on the head with the sexy and mysterious part. That pretty much sums us up. Oh yea, we're dangerous too. You left out dangerous. Sexy, mysterious and dangerous. And enigmatic. Wait, I guess mysterious covers that. And benevolent. We're a very benevolent ninja clan. Except for NinBad. NinBad is our security ninja. He's not big on the benevolent part.  He's more likely to snatch yer heart out, show it to you, and punt it through a window. But he MEANS well so I guess I'll give him a smidge of benevolent credit. Sexy, mysterious, dangerous and benevolent. And SMART. We're all pretty much smart. Except for NinHick and we don't generally talk about him. Affable. We're affable and enlightened. What were we talking about?

From :  Wingtunes.com support@wingtunes.com
Sent :  Thursday, June 16, 2005 5:54 AM
Subject :  New AC/DC Single from Wing !!

Just a quick not to let you know I have a new AC/DC song available exclusively for download... @ www.wingtunes.com

Thank you so much for your continued support.

Wing .
WING!! OMG, we are such HUGE fans! I can't believe you're actually emailing us! We absolutely LOVE AC/DC here and as big fans of your music I can tell you this new single is causing quite a stir at our get-togethers. It rocks even harder than your ABBA songs and is MUCH better to mosh to! Keep in touch and KEEP ROCKIN'!
OK you hosers out there in internetland, this is proof that hot asian singers absolutely dig ninjas! If you haven't already, visit our links page to check out Wing's web site and sample her great music!    

From :  Chris Jeffery <chrisj@********.tv>
Sent :  Thursday, June 9, 2005 1:03 PM
Subject :  hidden ninja
| | |
Hello fellow ninja
Using my special ninja skills and proess i have discovered your hidden ninja, waiting and hiding in the shadow to decapitate my nads.
But alas, i discovered him first and chopped off his head with my Super Cool and Deadly Ninjato tm and killed him, but before he passed on to the great beyond, his head told me the secret phrase which is
"I poopy in my pants"
Bow to my skill.....
*vanishes into the shadow*

Dear Jeffery-San

Impressive. Most impressive. You have indeed found our cleverly hidden ninja and have won what we thought was a pretty tough contest. But lopping the head off our nice ninja mannequin was a bit much. NinjAdam has yet to date a real girl yet and had taken quite a liking to it. Nevertheless, you have earned a much-coveted place in out ranks. Your hallowed name is now being scribed into our member roll in our sacred scrolls.



Our hidden ninja eluded rabid Tanjun fans by the millions, until stealthy Chris Jeffries found him. Jeffries-San has won our respect. The rest of you are shamed beyond redemption!

From: Larry Dubois bigbopper555@****.com
Date: Mon, 17 May 2005 1:59:06 EDT
Fellow Ninjas!
My name is Larry and I have been obsesed with ninjas since I was very young and saw my first Sho Kosugi film. I just had to write and let you know that I am so happy to finally find a web site that deals with the true ninja lifestyle. Sure there are plenty of other ninja sites out there but they're all either silly or too full of themselves. Thanks to you, I am no longer ashamed to admit my ninjaness to my family and friends. My folks have been very supportive and my friends say they knew I was a ninja even before I did. They are all helping me pick out ninja gear and just threw me a ninja-theme birthday party last week. I have ordered some of the Tanjun Ryu Tees and a uniform! I finally feel like a free, complete person. Thanks guys!
Dear Larry San,
We are very happy that you are now able to openly enjoy being a ninja. Far too often those around us are quick to judge those of us who live a ninja lifestyle. We're not quite where we can go all out and have parades yet, but thanks to brave ninjas like you, we're getting there.

Date: Tue, 10 May 2005 13:59:06 EDT
just thought i would write to say thanks for the nice things that was said about me. thanks joe for putting my pic on your forhead that is some funny stuff.
Yo Tweety! Thanks for the pics! We get photos from hot babes all the time (hot babes LOVE ninjas) but yours are our favorite. They're also the only ones we've gotten that we can put on this PG-13 rated site. Anywayz, NinJoe is running for the duct tape as I type this. I don't know if it's a really good thing to encourage him but we try to humor his... hobbies.

From: "ryan mcbride" <bobtheubermonkey@****.com>
Date: Sat, 07 May 2005 18:32:31 -0500
Subject: Adam Syarto

Dude, I know Adam from real life, really i do, ask him bout ryan
mcbride one day, he'll know who i am. And i wanna commemorate ur
artist who drew him cause it was almost perfect. But u need to make
his hair puffier, get rid of the mustache and give him a tan, make
him look like a mexican. Then u have Adam Syarto, if you don't
believe I know him, just ask him.

Fellow Ninja,
Ryan M. McBride
It is so good to hear from you. A friend of Adam's is a friend of ours. He has done much to make our site what it is today. Without him, we would likely have faded into obscurity. I am glad to know our rendering of Mr. Syarto is "almost perfect". I have informed our talented ninja profiler of the changes and he says he'll get right to it. But he refuses to get rid of the mustache. You know how artists can be with their work. In any event, the new picture should be posted soon so check back later. thanks! Oh yea, next time you see Adam, tell him to come get his fat ass dog he left here at our last slumber party. He's becoming quite a nuicence!

The new, more accurate Adam "japanlover" Syarto portrait. Thanks Mr McBride!

Date: Fri, 6 May 2005 19:54:19 EDT
From: Stupid D Klown
Subject: stupid d klown w/tweety
i found your site in a wal mart rest room its dope!.........
p.s how can i be a ninja.
Dear Mr. Klown,
Thanks for writing. I was going to ask how on God's green Earth you were able to find our web site in a Wal Mart restroom but thought better of it. I've been in a Wal Mart rest room and I can only guess that the strange bio-filth that coated the walls, toilet and floor of the one you were in somehow generated a bizarre nether-world portal through which you glimpsed us. Stranger things have happened. If that horse-faced lipsyncing hoe-down spazzing Ashlee Simpson can have a singing career, I am willing to believe you can access the internet with a Wal Mart toilet. Anyways, It's awesome to have you visit us and thanks for the awesome pic. It is well known that there are few things ninjas love more than pro wrestling and clowns. You being a pro wrestling clown makes you quite the celebrity here. As for how to become a ninja, there are four ways:
1: Make a pilgrimage to our super-secret compound and turn over to us all your worldly possessions and undergo many decades of hard disciplined training followed by the successful completion of an assassination mission. Then, you must bring us....
No, wait... that's something else. 
2: You can always click on our "Join Now" page on the site menu and sign up for a ridiculously small fee.
3: You can send us your woman in exchange for a genuine Certificate of Ninjafication. NinJoe has taken a liking to her. He has printed out the picture you sent, cut her out of it, and duct-taped it to his forehead. Don't ask. Last week he had a gerbil duct-taped to his leg. I don't even want to get into THAT fiasco.
4: We do a covert background check which includes the hiding of our super-stealthy ninjas in your life environment (workplace, bathroom, car, sock drawer, etc) and if you are worthy we will award you ninja status. An anonymous Tanjun Ninja at some point will slip you your Certificate of Ninjafication when you least expect it.
 That's all there is to it. Now if you hear strange sounds like someone munching Doritos under your bed, IGNORE IT. IT is only mice or possums, or something.  Thanks again for writing!    


Stupid D Klown (right) and the delightfully sultry Tweety.


Tweety (what a HOT name) sent us this SWEET pic. We're hosing NinJoe down right now.

From: "James Kent" <jkent440@****.com>
Date: Friday, April 29th, 2005 16:15:20
Subject: NINJAS!!!!!!

Ninja dudes,
You guys saved my life!! Thanks to the awesome info on your site, I was able to avoid some heavy trouble at school. I was in the lunch room minding my own business, mind you, eating my lunch. I was sitting next to this hot chick I've been trying to hook up with all year when this bully bonenugget everybody hates comes up and starts saying crap like "you've got my seat, Kent. Move somewhere else or I'll move you myself." He kept pestering me and everyone was looking so I got up and did what any sensible ninja would do. I struck a menacing pose. I said "Go ahead and try to move me, pal, and get ninjafied!" He just shook his head (out of fear, no doubt) and walked away. I sat back down and my buddies were cracking up and giving me high-fives. The hottie had this huge grin on her face like she couldn't believe what she just saw. Oh yea, I feel a serious hookup on the way! Thanks Tanjun Ryu! I just sent in my membership order!
Mr Kent,
This is indeed a special day. Not only did you write us on Uma Thurman's birthday (a big holiday here at Tanjun Ryu) but your story was an uplifting inspiration to us all. You now know the immense power of ninja wisdom. Your Certificate and membership package is on the way. Go forth into the world and use your new powers for good!

From: Prashant Mazumdar
Subject: Ninjitsu
Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 10:56:44 +0000

wat was funny?


Dear Mr Mazumdar,

You now hold the record for the SHORTEST email we've ever recieved. Also the most confusing. I can only answer by saying... uhhh... I like pie. 


Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2005 22:59:10 EST

From: Luther Black

Subject: Just a few questions...

Ninjas don't exist. Even if you ask a ninja, especially if you ask a
, He will tell you that ninjas don't exist. Ninjas died out roughly the same time samurai did, and that was over one hundred years ago. With the whole weapons revolution with firearms, that couldn't behelped...unfortunately. The sword is definately a much more honorable weapon...but I digress. So I must ask, there is no one to qualify you as a ninjitsu instructor, since ninjas have  long since professionally died out. Who then, taught you the art of the

Most sincerely,
Luther Wallace Black


Dear Mr. Black,

 First, I just want to tell you what a huge fan we all are of your comedy. Your biting wit and penchant for pointing out and lampooning the absurd in culture and politics is unsurpassed even by your cerebrally gifted peer Dennis Miller. That said, I must also tell you that you are quite insane. You begin your email by saying ninjas don't exist. AND IT'S AN EMAIL TO NINJAS!! As if that were not strange enough, you qualify your statement by saying that NINJAS THEMSELVES, if asked, would say they didn't exist. You then finished the note by asking WHO TAUGHT ME NINJITSU. Uhhh... HELLO! A NINJA for crying out loud. Sheesh! Pause to let all of the above sink in......


OK. Today you're emailing ninjas that don't exist, tomorrow you'll be sitting on a park bench talking to elves while wearing a foil hat and eating styrofoam you found in a dumpster. Go get help NOW, Mr. Black. They're doing WONDERS nowadays with drugs and electricity.  


Date: Sun, 20 Mar 2005 20:35:22 EST

From: Tim Nugent

Subject: You RULE!!!

Just had to write and let you know YOU GUYS ROCK. The fan mail section is my favorite! Is that Adam guy insane? I am so happy to at long last find a REAL ninja site. There is so much junk out there that it's hard to wade through all the fakes and posers and find REAL ninja wisdom! I have been living the ninja lifestyle now for about a year and it's so good to find you guys. I have sent my membership payment and eagerly await my certificate of ninjafication. At long last, my life has meaning! Keep up the good work!


Dear Mr...... Heyyyy.... Nevermind, too easy. Anyways, welcome to the world's most ROCKIN' super-secret ninja clan. Your letter made our day. Not quite as much as the strange rantings of Mr. Sombrero (might be insane) or that comedian in the next letter (absolutely nutso-wacko), but it was nice. You will get your membership kit shortly and since you were such a nice guy, we're throwing in one of our new ninja tees. Keep in touch and keep ninjaing!



From :  Adam Syarto
Sent :  Saturday, March 19, 2005 5:31 AM
To :  tanjunryu@hotmail.com
Subject :  hahaha!!!!!!!!
| | |
hahahaha!!!! your replys to my emails were alright  I laughed alot. maybe I was wrong you guys are alright look for more of my emails in the near future...........alot more.

Mr. Sombrero! It's always a pleasure to hear from our #1 fan.... TWELVE TIMES A DAY! And you're going to email us a lot MORE?? Good grief, now we'll have to upgrade our email service to hold it all!
Oh yea, OF COURSE we're alright! We're NINJAS! 



Monday, March 14, 2005 2:48 AM

Max Ortiz Jr kemposifu@hotmail.com

Subject :  Over enthusiastic site


| | |
Al do respect i have been a ninjitsu practicioner for over 25 years, folks like you need to get a life.
If you want members to join, cut out(no pun intended) the better than "God" attitude, if all you think about is flips and summer saults, go back to watching fake "ninja" movies and learn REAL ninjtsu, not from the self-made "master" of the discipline.
Dear Mr Orbitz,
I am glad that Al, whoever he is, respects that you have been a ninjitsu practicioner for over 25 years but I do not see what that has to do with anything. I think that you should have spent a portion of that 25 years you squandered trying to earn Al's approval in some remedial english classes to improve your horrible grammar. Also, you might want to refrain from questioning someone else's authenticity when YOU can't even spell somersault! (summer saults? I mean, c'mon!!) And I should learn REAL ninjitsu from watching FAKE ninja movies???? What kind of advice is that? Wait a minute... this is some joke, right? OK NinBob, you got me on this one. But let's see how funnny you think it is when you're on shuriken-chasing detail for a month in the preschool blade-throwing class! 

Sunday, March 13, 2005 9:01 PM

Jim Haynes ninjacamp@hotmail.com

Subject: from a representative of Konigun Ryu Ninjutsu


My name is Jim Haynes.  I live in Illinois and teach the style of Konigun Ninjutsu.  My instructor is Shidoshi Bryce Dallas and lives in Jackson Mississippi.
I came upon your website, and I have a few questions for you.  Do you train in ninjutsu based martial art and perhaps your website is a ploy to get the attention of the younger generation, or are you simply an admirer of ninjas?
In either case, if you are interested in learning more about Konigun Ninjutsu, please feel free to contact me at ninjacamp@hotmail.com or you can look at the Konigun Ninjutsu web page at www.konigunninjutsu.com
I'd be happy to answer any questions you have, and if you would like to train, we have camps (training seminars) throughout the country, and a few in other countries as well.
Looking forward to hearing from you.


Jim Haynes
Dear Mr Haynes,
Thank you for your nice letter. Since you honored your ninja heritage by being respectful to your fellow ninja, I will not poke fun at your inattention to our site content or your reading comprehension. To answer your questions, I will quote the first page of this site:
"Regardless of your age, gender, size, shape or smell, the Tanjun Ryu is here for you."
This, I think, makes it clear. Also, many thanks for your offer of training though I know it is but a thinly vieled attempt to lure us in and learn our secrets. Good try... but not good enough!!! 

Wednesday, March 9, 2005. Today we recieved this email from a nice gentleman in France or something:


January 30, 2005.

To my martial arts colleagues:

I would like to take this opportunity to invite you, your family and your students to participate in our 13th Franklin Ruemmele International Martial Arts Cup that will be celebrated at the new Roger Mendoza Coliseum in the city of Caguas, Puerto Rico on Sunday, May 22, 2005. Registration will be done at the hotel plus at the tournament site. The tournament will begin at 11:00 a.m.

There will be competitors from north, south and central America and from Puerto Rico. There are over 800 trophies and 200 medals with 10 Gran Champions in all Black Belt divisions.

From first to fourth place their will be trophies and all finalists will receive medals in all the divisions in forms and fighthing. As for the students kyu ranks they may participate in forms, weapons, musical forms and fighting. Plus the girls will compete apart from the boys in forms and fighting. Carefully chosen, experienced referees and officials will be on hand to insure competitors of all ages with the fairest judging possible.

I will begin the tournament with the kyu ranks up to the black belt divisions. Team fighting and individual adult black belt forms and fighting will be after the regular categories have finished. Their will be no night time finals.

The cost is $25.00 one or two events. I am also working with the local government for lodging for our atletes. You must register in time to have your room separated.

Spend some extra time and have a nice summer vacation in beautiful Puerto Rico. For more information write call, fax or email me.

Shihan Raymond Correa 6th Dan

Director Ruemmele Cup



Well, Mr Corolla, we sincerely appreciate the invite but I fear that our students cannot compete in your games. Tanjun Ryu warriors only know how to kill. We do not know how to play spar-tag or do the little dances you call "katas". We're ninjas and as ninjas we would have to kill whoever we compete against. Preferrably in a sneaky-stealthy way. I doubt the families of the competing artist would enjoy seeing their loved ones standing there waiting for an opponent and THWAKKK! A ninja star nails them in the forehead from out of the shadows. So Mr. Corona, I must respectfully decline. The Tanjun Ryu ninja will not be there this year........  Or will they????? 

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