a Novel by NinBob
It was a dark and stormy night in long ago Japan. Suzuki Kawasaki crouched in the shadows outside Rikkitikkitavi
castle. He gripped his favorite ninja weapon, his trusty 3-section staff and regarded the large gate looming in the darkness
ahead. He was getting anxious. It had been a full ten minutes since he had arrived at the castle and settled into his hiding
place. "How freakin' long is this gonna take?" he muttered aloud. "OOP!" he clamped his hand over his mouth and silently cursed
his tendency to blurt things out loud. This was an annoying habit for a ninja. Several times his outbursts about the
weather or someone's flatulence or some sports team had given away his hiding place and had twice cost the lives of his mission
cohorts. His fellow ninja had lately refused to work with him and so most of his missions were solo outings, usually to fetch
food or sodas. But tonight.... tonight was different. Tonight he would redeem himself. He had been specially
chosen to stake out the north gate of Rikkitikkitavi castle and await the emergence of a secret and well-guarded
litter transporting the lord's Ambassador to Mexico. Like a stealthy angel of death, Suzuki would swoop into
the litter and assassinate the ambassador, disappearing into the rainy, inky darkness before the oafish samurai guards
even knew he was there. The resulting disruption of communication to Mexico would cut Lord Rikkitikkitavi's trade
ties and drive up the price of tequila in the region. The peasants would become disgruntled and unruly and as the
chaos unfolds, the Tanjun ninja would pounce upon the castle and end evil Lord Rikkitikkitavi's iron-fisted rule.
Suzuki's musings were interrupted by a loud creaking noise. The gate was opening! Time at last for action!
The sound of heavy footsteps and the clink of armor and steel weaponry drifted from the gate, soft and distant at first,
growing louder as the troop of samurai approached. Cuz, you know, they were getting closer and sound gets louder when it's
origin grows nearer. It's a auditory phenomenon wherin the sound waves... what were we talking about again?
"HAHAHAAAA! Like a shadow I lurk in the darkness, invisible to your dull senses...." Suzuki
slapped his hand over his mouth. It sounded like a rifle shot in the still night. "Criminy!" he shouted to himself. "Why don't
I just send up fireworks, revealing my position to all those stupid soldiers coming this way!!"
"You already have," said the large armored samurai looming over him. "Revealed your position,
I mean. Not the fireworks part, obviously." Suzuly's heart sank. He was surrounded by blade-wielding samurai.
"Crapola!!!" Suzuki cried, whipping out his three-section staff. He struck his most menacing
pose. He hoped it would be enough.
"Kill him repeatedly!" the large samurai shouted. The guard rushed forward but Suzuki
was ready. Like a bludgeoning whirlwind his three-sectioned ninja staff flew into the ranks of the attacking soldiers. Cries
of "Oh my freakin' head!" and "My nads!" echoed across the land until the last samurai fell. Well, next to the last because
as Suzuki turned to regard the enclosed litter which contained his target, a lone shadowy figure emerged from the shadows.
Suzuki struck yet another menacing pose. A different one, though. He liked to change it up. He chose a variation of a crane
stance with his weapon held aloft in one hand and the other hand extends toward the opponent with his fingers in, like, a
claw kinda position. It's not as menacing as the dreaded dragon stance but it's pretty scary make no mistake!
"I don't know who you are, but I suggest you stand aside. My fight is not with you!"
"Hahaha! How do you know that if you don't know who I am?" the mysterious figure replied.
"Maybe I do know you and I'm just not letting on." Suzuki retorted.
"OK, who am I then?" the man said, crossing his arms. Suzuki strained to see the man's
face but he stood too deep in the shadows.
"You're that guy." Suzuki offered.
"You don't know. Admit it," the man said.
"Ok, ok, I don't know! Who are you?" Suzuki was anxious to end the encounter. His supporting
leg was getting tired and he feared his other, held aloft in the dreaded stance, was going to sleep. The man stepped from
the shadows. The full moon washed over the man's face and Suzuki gasped as he saw clearly the mussed hair, crooked
teeth and huge handlebar mustache.
End Chapter Two. Next time: MORE STUFF!