Ninja Health

Tanjun Ryu

Ninja Health

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Your Guide to Proper Ninja Health and Nutrition

We recently received a nice email from Allex Wright of Sarasota FL. In it, Allex asks: "What kind of diet did ancient ninjas have and what do modern ninjas eat now?"

This was such a good question we decided to devote a page to ninja diet and exercise. Let's get right to it with the basics and to help us out, Tanjun Ryu member Ryuji heads down to his local Shaws to show us just what the strong, healthy ninja eats.

When ninjas aren't eating meat, they eat LOTS of cereal. Here Ryuji and his associate purchase a ninja favorite- Mighty Bites. As everyone knows, since ninjas invented cereal about 4,000 years ago, it's been a big part of the healthy shadow warrior's diet. Any kind will do as long as it conains lots of sugar. And preferably a cool prize.

The ninja of ancient times lived on the fringes of civilization in secret hideouts in mountains and forests. You know, kinda like elves in Lord of the Rings. Except they didn't dress sissy. ANYWAYS, they pretty much lived off the land which meant they ate lots of seeds and berries and tree barks and whatnot which they would put in a bowl with some milk and thereby inventing the world's first cereal. Mostly the hungry ninja would lie in wait and dropkick deer and rabbits and badgers or whatever forest creature would scurry their way. These would be made into burgers or roasted over an open fire. All in all, ninjas ate pretty good which is why they were such awesome strong warriors. Even the mighty yaks and emus feared the hungry ninja.

Thanks to today's food technology, modern ninjas don't have to dropkick their dinner in the wild. Merchants now carry an ample supply of packaged meats for easy consumption. There are two main meats all ninjas LOVE and carry in large quantities when on the go. One is beef jerky. Ninjas LOVE beef jerky. The second is perhaps the most perfect food ever invented: Spam. This awesome taste sensation comes packed in a neat little square can that's easy to carry and makes a great weapon. Look in any travelling ninja's pack and you'll find a pack of Oberto, a can of Spam and a Faygo or two (cola or orange. Orange is the best).

Left: Ryuji combats a pimp who tries to purchase the last box of Frankenberry.

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